ReVoLuTiOn StRiFe

Where have our stars gone?Fame is this worlds obsession,or rather its distraction placed by the providers...all hail to the thief.you know why they were called stars?when it actually meant something?its because those stars once took our pathetic human state and transcended us through time and space.They took us on a wild ride of potential.they showed us the limitless world that exists before our very eyes.What happened to truly remembering and living through our heroes.Malcolm X,Ernesto "Che" Guevara,Martin Luther King Jr.,Zapata,Gandhi,Kennedy,Morrison,Lennon,Hendrix,Fred Hampton...i cant fucking wait to tell the children of the future of my times imitating lil jon,paris hilton,danity kane,wezzy(who is obviously the boss),tom cruise,rosie o donnel,TERROR ALERT RED TERROR ALERT RED!GUESS WHAT!I CANT HELP BUT LOVE NEW YOURK BECAUSE EVERYTIME I EVEN CATCH A GLANCE AT HER I CANT HELP BUT NOT TURN AWAY AND WANT TO STAB SOME ONE FOR EVERY SECONED I WATCH IT!!!!!!FLLLAAAVVVVAAAAAAAAAA  FLAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!The list gose on and on and on since these new "stars" are mass produced distractions for the mindless masses WE HAVE PLENTY MORE TO COME!AMERICAAAA FUUCCKKK YEAAA!! Is it some sort of bliss?Bliss to know while thats going on war is going on.death destruction children with no future go fucking die already you blind nazi.Its all placed on us to mindlessly focus on things that dont matter instead of the things that do.These politics are such a fucked up game.we have some good players but no where near enough.Its all a joke this sick twisted man made game for his own hatred of his brother called war.Its our time.

"i belive man made god outta ignorance and fear
cause if god made us why the hell would he put us here
i thought he was the supossed to be the all lovin
is this the same god that let hitler put the jews in the oven?"
-Dead Prez

I know its short notice and i gonna be late to go more then likely,but 2mrw at 3:00pm at the Austin City Hall(ceaser chavez and lavaca) there is a march to the capital.It stands for the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and to stop the war in iraq.

Also on a more extreme note Alex Jones is hosting a call to arms Thursday Feb 1st at 7:30 pm at the UT Union Ballroom on 24th and Guadalupe.For those of you who dont know Alex Jones is like Micheal Moore on cocain and acid.Moore only brings up facts so he can he richer and fatter.Jones its Jones hes extreme but truthfull and well informed.He will give a lecture about state sponsered terrorisum,the emerging police state, and the neo-cons plan for the middle east and it will be followed by a Q n A.Im for sure going to this one and im gonna get there really early to get a good seat.

If any one is interested contact me ASAP 512-762-4967.In the event that you didnt have this number its my direct line so use it abuse it and call me up.

Ive been seriously wanting to update since december.my dad came around the 11th it was nice for the most part.We he 1st got here we hit a few  bumps but we talked it out it was nice,The rest of the time was great.I think my favorite moment was going to see Rocky Balboa with him.I grew up watching all 5..well mostly the 4 movies with him.IT ROCKY!So yea it was awesome to 1 go to the movies with him since i hadent since i was like 10 but 2 it was great cause it was Rocky.It was a great great great fucking movie too.I mean to end the series you know?Closure n shit.And alot of it related to where me and my dad are now in life you know.Ive always looked up to him as Rocky...the fighter that just keeps going...and this one just hit way closer to home.If you havent seen it you should.Infact WE should i have a coupon for a free ticket that expires the 31st so if any one again is interested please let me know cause im going with or with our you.

Yea then i had 2 friends from Chicago come by to austin,a few of you met them for a moment.It was a trip to say the least.but they enjoyed it so thats a good thing.Fucking "ice storm" fucked up 3 days tho.Pretty fucking ridiculous austin hahahaa get a little ice and shut down the city why dont you.AND GO PLAY IN THE HALF A INCH OF SNOW!!!its alright austin i aint mad at cha i got nuthin but love for ya.


And you know what to end it on one last EMOtional note,she fucking makes it rain on me man....FUCK!!

the bears....simply kick ass


i really need to get on livejournal more.ive had so many updates ive wanted to do.

merry days to all and to all a good night.
technically i just made it in time to wish everyone happy holidays.
i might through a party for new years everyone let me know what you think and if you would attend please.

been wanting to update for so long.dads been in town and its been good.
i swear to the fucking gods when i seen you walk in the door i thought i was for sure dreaming.for fuckign sure i was in a dream i still am but was it ever pleasent.

Went out to a nice dinner tonight.More to come with her too it would seem.I feel it went very well.... :)

2007 get fucking ready.

An so on this day of the birth of a true revolutionary...let us remember the world is ours.

I told my self that my 2wenties would be the most amazing times of my life.For the most part in these 1st few months its been alright.I started off at a strong pase but after i had to withdrawl from classes i kind of slowed down..ive started to work out more and am proud of that.im looking foward to the new year,the lucky 07 and remeber i like V and like "God" "do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence".This will be my year of evolution.This will be my year because i will make it mine.

I should probly update later im starting to get tired and i got work at 12.

is it wrong to speak and express through the moment through the thought?

Im an idiot.
In life really.
I try to act smart and some times i feel like i know things.Ive tried to call my existence philosophical,or an artist,even some sort of revolutionary.But the truth about it is i have nothing special about me im simply a tool like everyone else.Sure we all have our potential but for what?I simply have my life on some sort of hold.Now dont get me wrong ive lived my life,oh hoohoho have i lived my life,but the progression aspect of it hasnt really changed.I sometimes dont deal with responsibility,instead i just let it all pass me by.I prefer to be in a shell,or in some place where the world vanishes.When the lake house get together ended i got real fucked in the head.Towards the end of it alot of good discussions where happening.But then out of no where everything just shut down everyone left.When im in a moment like that it feels like itll float on forever.I love being in that point when you lose your self and you fall into the dream within the dream.I do try to be loyal,honest,helpful.but some times i just seem to fail.

When my sister ripped us off she stole my identity in the process...thats hilarious hahaha IDENTITY THEFT!!SHE STOLE ME ON SOME PAPERS!Its like its my soul or something.What the hell is a soul any ways.We would like to think we are unique enough to have one but truth be told all we are are dust particles from supernovas.So we come from nothing and we will return to nothing.Reincarnation through your particals returning to some spot.It could all still be the genius of an "intelligent designer",god breaths and lives all around us.Every moment is god.God is law.Law is God.We live in such strange times.IM way off the point.

My sister stole my birth certificate and social security card.A few months after that i found out that i had at least one warrent out for my arrest in california.Ive never been to cali but that ment i was now wanted in 3 states.I automatically knew that it was my sister.To this day i havent done anything about it.It pisses off my dad and leads him to belive that i sold my papers to my sister which really pisses me off that he would even begin to think that.But the truth is i just dont give a shit.how dose paper restrict me from living.

I really have to get on the fuckin ball tho.

Transformers had a contest to make Prime say a line in the movie.The winning one is "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.The 2nd and 3rd place winners will be reocrded to say,"Thats how i roll"(which is fucking hilarious think about it in primes voice",and "Autobots..transform and roll out!!"which is much more natural.But yea then they have 4-10th place which im not sure what they are gonna do with it.

The day after thanksgiving Jorel got me the transformers movie 20th anniversiry on dvd as an early chirstmas present.It fucking kicked ass.I mean it still dose but i mean i was in shock.It compleatly remastered looks fucking amazing 5.1 dobly digital plus so much more.2 discs.."one shall stand one shall fall."Im so fucking damn exicted for the Transformers movie...its going to be fucking amazing.FUCKING AMAZING!

Turns out the new ninja turtles movie is all CG.What kind of shit is that.

The Bears have been kicking ass this season.2 loses out of 12 games.Monday nights game should be good.Daaaaaaaaaaa bearrssss.

Ive been wanting to update update for so long now.Since thanksgiving and even before that but i figure why bother its the same pathetic thoughts and the same pointless shit.So for now ill just say...

i got a lead on my sister.Like a bounty hunter im coming to terroize you.But i have bounties on me hahaa.

hahahaa whoa update 10 min later i found her hahahaaa.she so fucking dumb.damn this is a trip.Gotta go about this in a smart way ill let dad know.Shes in california or it seems.She has a strong connection there.Always figured it tho.holy shit.

The End-By the Doors

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...strangers hand
In a...desperate land

Lost in a roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah

Theres danger on the edge of town
Ride the kings highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby

Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...hes old, and his skin is cold

The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and well do the rest

The blue bus is callin us
The blue bus is callin us
Driver, where you taken us

The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...i want to...fuck you

Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin a blue rock
On a blue bus
Doin a blue rock
Cmon, yeah

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free
But youll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end

I saw Equailibrum this morning on FX.Real good movie never even heard of it.Pretty tripped out its got Christian Bale as this agent in the future and in the future everyone takes drugs to keep in control of emotion.This agent stops taking the medicine and has a strong mental conflict.

Now a society like that looks extremely boring but has its strong points.Everyone is "engaged" in the task at hand and is resourceful but acts on action not on emotion.impulse.But the advantage being that everyone is on the same mind set and same schedule.In some ways we can do it now.

It seems almost like government is just meant to take care of the sheep and satisfy them mindlessly while letting the wolf in to feed on some.I mean its like here live a dream life if you do all of this if not suffer.So sure some do work for what they deserve they build empires and help other people.But from that is spawned pure evil.Technology is fucking amazing and these are the times for it but i dont see why make 10 different models of an ipod.New luxury escalades every year.What is the purpose of the car?We need some sort of control on public technology like only releasing it like every ten years or so when great advancements take place.Dose that take away from individuality?Radical better change can happen for the good of man kind rather then just a few of the worlds leading powers.We the people can take it back in our hands.I know i shouldnt be one to talk my room is filled with posters and possesions but its my room its my sanctuary to retreat from the world.Over all i am a free spirit.

"those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable"
-John F. Kennedy

i dont feel that i have bad intentions when i speak of revolution.Maybe to the higher class but its only a reach down.Im just a lost and confused kid in a chaotic world without his mother.Im just a child that wishes to cry out and thats what revolution is.This whole game is just....HAHAAAA...Are these the end of days?What to believe..Who to trust?what system do i follow?Am i doing the right thing..?The system dose work.But its gotten too fucked up.Too many people left behind and too many band aids on band aids.In some ways i am some what anarchist..It would be fun hahaa.But no no anarchy is no good.My intentions to this arnt bad..just like anything i do..i always seem to want to help but seem to fuck up..with good intentions but bad outcomes..im just a failure like that i guess.but my main objective to this is for the haves to give a little to the have nots to have everyone have a nice peice of the pie.

Its been 2006 years since the death of Christ and he died for the same war that goes on within all of us.He died for beliefs and opposition to the powerful and corrupt.He died for the same reasons.JESUS WAS A TERRORIST!The mind is a power fragile incredible piece of hardware.His teachings where righteous.A true revolutionary who captured the minds very well.As controversial as this may come off your mind is the god.
Control,
hope, faith, imagery, fables,
past, present, future, death, life, now, then ,
system, love, justice, afterlife, meaning, drugs, perception, thoughtheory, factandopinion ,
good vs right wrong vs bad vs in god we trust, revelations ,revolutions, and evolution.

"Think for your self..question authority.Throughout human history, our species has faced a frightening,terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are,or where we are going in this ocean of chaos,its has been the authorities-the political,the religious, the educational authorities-who attempted to comfort us by giving us order,rules,regulations,informing-forming in our minds-their view of reality.To think for your self you must question authority and learn how to put your self in a state of vulnerable open-mindedness,chaotic,confused vulnerability to inform your self."-Dr.Timothy Leary

Im hungry..

SO this is it.The 1st small step in the struggle back.The people have chosen a more democratic society.Bravo.I didnt even get to vote.Didnt register in time.But it is the call for change.The thing is though people feel justified in them selves to say "oh i voted i did my part now the rest will take care of it self."Its symbolic enough for them to say "ive changed the course that we are on."Its time that we take it in our own hands.To truly put the power in the hands of the people.We are using the same recycled officials.Now i know your saying...welll its their job its what they do best not many people arnt qualified for it.fuck qualification you become where your placed.If i was put in office tomorrow as president i would have no fucking clue what was going on but id definitely get the hang of it.


Im just saying..certain jobs are just stupid when we need to focus much more important things.

How the fuck can tom cruise get like 10 million dollers for pictures of his baby?Itnt it not even his baby?Isnt it adopted?Looks a little asian to me..but still im just saying how in the fuck dose that even begin to make sence.How in the fuck??couldnt those 10 mil be benificial to some one else or something else.

"Can this world really be as sad as it fucking seems"-NIN

People have just arrived so im gonna have to kind of cut this rant down to this..Whatever though ill post some other time

Today i woke up at 8 and was supposed to fix the car.It was raining though so i went back inside and watched march of the penguins..thats a real fucking bad ass depressing movie.Every shot in that is flawless.But yea a little more then half way through the movie i stared to doze off.I had 3 terrible dreams in which i started to cry and then actually woke up crying.

Dream one.(btw each one was one was one of those dreams that your sure its not a dream)
I was in my room and my mom came in.I was surprised to see her but at the same time i wasnt.Kind of like i knew she was dead but at the same time i was like "hey moms here cool".SHe sat down on my bed and was just quiet.She was looking at the tv and i was just looking at her.Then i got this strong urge to just lay my head on her shoulder and for her to hold me.I started to get closer but i was afraid to im not sure why.When i was next to her i could tell she knew what she wanted and especially after she saw me fighting back tears.She then embraced me and i let out a powerful cry of relief.She held me in her arms like the baby that i am.I sobbed and sobbed and babbled things that didnt make sense and she just held me and tried to calm me down in the sweetest most motherly way.I woke up crying loud and hard and with an uneasy feeling.I continued to watch the movie but then fell asleep again.

The 2nd dream started off with me some where in the projects of chicago.I was walking around and then a saw an older lady unloading her groceries and i ran over to help her.After she gave me a couple of bucks so i could go buy my self a drink from the gas station across the street.I ran over an whos behind the register?My dad..working hard just like he always dose.I was shocked i said "dad what the hell are you doing here?" "Working son i decided to get a part time job right after work" i asked "what time do you get off?" "10 2night"...i thought to my self "1st off my father dosent belong here and 2nd off that means hes working from 4am to 10pm everyday" i walked out and started to cry.I fell on the curb and just cried my eyes out.Again i woke up crying..and again i watched a little more of the movie and fell back to sleep...

In the 3rd and final dream i found my self at a birthday party.I didnt know whos it was at 1st but i just knew i was very happy.Next thing i know they play this video and its of my little niece...so im at my nieces birthday party.The video rolls and its of her when she was younger singing happy birthday.she was about 3 in the video so just cute 3 year old baby talk.Then she came out of a room in a beautiful dress and everyone clapped and cheered while i kept calling out to her but she couldnt hear me.I yelled and i yelled but she didnt hear.i tried to get up but couldnt move.I cried at the top of my lungs i just wanted to hold her to have her see me.The video of her singing got louder and the situation grew more chaotic and frustrating.Again i woke up crying but this time got up and went to the back yard and smoked a cigerette.It was raining really hard when i went out.Beautiful.

Losing your mom really fucks with your head.I cant tell you how hard its been and how confusing it is to exist with out your mom.Im shaking and holding back tears.IM a boy lost in the world who just misses his mom.

I fucking love my dad.I dont want to lose him.I need to work my ass off so that he can stop.Help me to work my ass off please.I love you all.Your all the greatest friends i could ever ask for because everytime i fall you pick me back up to continue the race.Leah thinking of all the great things youve done for me makes me shake and fight back tears.

I hope i dont lose my niece.I hope we soem how keep connected.Shes the only one i got.I can say i dont give a shit about my sister and where she is.but i do care.I do hope to see her again some day.But i just wonder why she did what she did.

Jorel needs do go to sleep so i got to cut if off here.But ill end on this.You may be right most of the time but still.BUT STILL.

Holy shit what a fucking journal entry to come.Basicailly though..its over."THE WAR IS OVER!!ITS ALL OVVVEERRRR YEAAAAA"

I have something inside of me something that i know that is meant for great things.A global thing.Its the feeling that i get when i see injustice.Its the feeling that i get when i learn something new that assists me in my battle.Its the feeling i get when i can FEEL the people around the world and how they suffer and how the fat aristocrats sit back and enjoy the show.Its the feeling i get when i know that i am in someway or another being watched by big brother.Its the revolutionary spirit that dwells inside of me that is not yet ready to come out.it sits inside of me until one day the domino will fall.You may laugh because hell even i laugh.But its the feeling that lets me know that this is my purpose this is my calling in life.This is what i will drive and what will lead to a new tomorrow.

"Be not deceived.Revolutions do not go backward."-Lincoln

I will continue your legacy Che.Too many people didnt understand alot of what you felt and the vision you had but i do.And ill make them understand.Same to you Jesus.LOL.But really jesus is the man.One bad ass revolutionary...This is for all the revolutionaries of history.

"Its better to die on your feet that to live on your knees"-Zapata

Everything in my existence is relative and changing.

"I like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence."-V

Thats why i constantly contradict my self.I constantly ask why because thats what life should be,a constant question of "why?".Then youll see how life is nothing more then one contridiction after another.I dont say im right im simply saying their is always another alternative.The way things are running now are just too..mindless.Im not saying that you are or that its your fault its government and the way they control us.MEDIA.

I hate MTV and BET with a passion.Its the most sickening mindless bullshit way of control.TV is indeed awesome.But we only need like 10 channels max.But seriously the images produced by MTV and BET make me want to stab and kill a baby so that they dont have to enter this world.(Not litterally but im just sayin)I mean you got these little white girls imitating the whole "OH MY GAWD!!VALLY GIRLS!!IM LIVING IN THE OC!MONEY MONEY IMAGE IMAGE!EWWWWW MUD!EWW THINKING!!OMG MOMS NOT GETTING ME THAT CORVETTE FOR MY SWEET 16!!MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE!!!"(etc etc)And then yea lets play beyoncee or how ever you spell her name on the number one spot for the next 2 months and lets play her song every hour on the hour.Then shows like laguna beach the hills and the oc...FUCK DIE ALREADY!aND FUCK REALITY TV I WONT EVEN GET INTO THAT.Reality tv for me would be watching paris hilton eat her own shit.

Im gonna jump off topic real quick but sort of stay on topic before i rant about BET but this artist named BANKSY better be remember as one of the most genious artist of our time.He mainly dose graffiti which IS modern art not vandalisum.But i wish i could post some of his work but i dunno how to put pictures on here.Any ways he got a hold of 500 or so of paris hiltons latest...cd...HAHAHAA..but then he re-did all of the inside booklet with some amazing message for the idiots who bought the cd.BUT ANY WAYS!

I have this theory that the government definetly put crack in the ghettos.i mean you have these brilliant militant organized black panthers that thought for them selves and fought for them selves and now they have just become this mass produced image of BET.Everyday a new "artist" comes out but spits the same mindless bull shit."chicken noodle soup,chicken noodle soup,chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side"...............................WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!??!!?!?ITS A SONG NO BULL SHIT!I fucking LOVE rap.I FUCKING LOVE IT.But when you consider shit like THAT rap or "hip-hop"??Then all these mother fuckers are rapping about the same shit.Cars money jewlry.the same ass shaking females who degrade them selves(some argue it empowers them and i definelty see where their coming from but still)getting soaked in champagne while showing off that thong.these wanna be thugs thinking their so hard and they run this shit.DOVE SPRINGS IS THE GHETTO?!!?HAHAHAA LOOKS LIKE PARADICE TO THOSE WHO REALLY ARE FROM THE FUCKING GHETTO.Take any one of those fucking dove springs 44 idiots place them in the projects and see how long they could survive.THATS REALITY TV BABY!

I dont know..hahahaa i say that alot "i dont know" you know why?cause i dont know.and neither do you.you know nothing more then what you think you know and thats too bad.Existence has great potnetial but its not being reolized.Its just being mindlessly shoved foward.Band-aids being placed above band-aids and distractions saying "look at the birdie!!SMILE FOR THE CAMARA!!"

I know there is no such thing as a permanent happy or sad ending in this world.(only when you die and your world along with it)That kind of thing only exists in a fairy tale,nothing but fantasy...i know..im a dreamer and ill never reach the horizon..but it dosent hurt to dream.(well actually yes it dose haha but..)As Ernesto "Che" Guevara once said "why dont we try and bring heaven here on earth while we KNOW we can still have it."

Ill end my rant on a religious point.(and if you made it this far i thank you for reading)We are one blood and one race.The human race.Our cultures are the most beautiful thing that exists.But we all need one universal understanding.no one is right or wrong.but we all need to acknowledge one thing..some sort of force of god dose exisit.we are connected to it every day.It surrounds us in ever action and breath we take.Its the very keyboard that im typing on.Its the human moment that i may share with some one after leaving this computer.Its the beauty in the unexpected.We are one people.One mind.One voice.One evolution.The time has come for revolution.

Yea back in austin now.Got back sunday night.been fixing up my room for the past day since i basically have all my stuff back with me now.So yea good times.Not much to say really at this point just settling back in.Chicago was fun it was nice to be with dad again and it was nice to see him put in new efforts to hang out with me.Such as movie watching and nice discussions after words.But yea it was good times.Now i just have a bunch of things to focus on here so here i go.

Dose anyone else say to them selves when they wake up "damn it..not again..why do i always have to wake up?"Life is amazing it is.Sometimes too amazing.But I just want to sleep forever already.

I do have alot dreamed up that i want to accomplish.I want to make my dad so fucking proud.He is all i have that connects me to this world.I want him to look at me and say "thats my boy look at all hes done".But at this rate...im a failure of these current times.its too much responsiblity its too much you have to do in order to breath.I dont mean to bitch and whine but i guess its the character i play.I feel the weight of the world.

I want to be in south america teaching children english or something.I just want to make a difference.It no longer has to be revolutionary at this point i just want to extend my self to somthing and accomplish it.I just want to change one persons live.I just want to breath for one persons live.I am emotionally and mentally hell even physically unstable.But i live in a different world too so in my world i just may be the most sane.

This is the greatest strangest worst time to exist.

The Beatles-Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people eat marshmellow pies,
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties,
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle,
The girl with the kaleidoscope eyes.

IM the dumbest character of them all.

DEATH TO THE FALSE WORLD
WATCH ME LEAD THE REVOLUTION
WATCH ME CHANGE THE WORLD
BUT IN ORDER TO WATCH ME YOU MUST CHANGE IT TO MY CHANNEL!
VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
-StRiFe-

Every waking second is contradicting to the last.Life is heaven.Life is hell.Waking up to it is the strangest experience in my life.Over n over again."you know the day destroyed the night,night divides the day"-Break on Through(to the other side)-The Doors.Again ill never REALLY know if i was the only sight or not..its selfish and untrue i know kind of the hole matrix thing,but ill never function through anyone eles programning other then mine.I look up from the computer screen and through my eyes i see a painting of the hopelessness of existence.Why God i ask you why.Sure i can say "but this library is so impressive" etc etc but i dont know,life is such a fucking never ending trip.

"I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."Line from Forest Gump(one of my all time favorite movies)

Am i the biggest loser?Most likly i am THAT character.

Fuck the world seriously fuck existence.

I mean i look at my self from the outside and it trips me the fuck out.Like what did i just say what did i just do what did i cause create or destroy.Who the fuck am i to have sight.Its hard for people to understand you when you exist in outerspace,i think ive said that once before on live journal,and in all honesty im not sure if some more popular figure has said it since no thought is really an original one.The next 10 years will be a trip n a half.

Sorry for the long rants but eyyyyyyyy its live journal!and i leave you with a song.


Tool-Forty six and 2
My shadow's
Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in

My shadow. My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's
Shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within

My shadow. My shadow.
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.

I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.

I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.

See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.

"You need people like.. so you can point your finger at me and say "that's the bad guy."-Tony Montana(Al Pacino)-Scarface

Everything in existence has rules and that seems to be why i am the way i am.I never thought i was superior in thought simply that i have been to different parts of my mind that no one seems to be able to imagine.It seems that all i really have been doing is taking these delayed tours of existence.I seem to examine things too much.I go too far into it.Or out of it.Depending where you see it from.But im forever this way.Drugs.They have played a large roll in my story.To deny them would be like denying about 5 years of my life."Prying open my 3rd eye" if you will.Thats the funny thing about tool.Supposedly anti-drug or whatever but have some of the most tripped out songs.But thats exactly what it felt like just prying open my 3rd eye.I say it all the time but september 1tth!Off but still a little on topic i saw world trade center by oliver stone the other day with my dad on bootleg but wasnt too impressed.Not the way i thought it would be at all.

"Any reality is an opinion,you make up your own reality."-Dr.Timothy Leary

Am i simply the product of an overfried hard drive?whos that chick i the anti-drug commercial where she gose "this is youre brain....this is youre brain on heroin" then smashes the egg with a pan.What ever tho thats what its like to be a junky.Im not junky material yet.My sister most likley is.Meth cocain and heroin arnt for me.I experiment i test boundaries of reality..is that a true statement?No thought is correct.I was born in the wrong time period.but it took this time period to make me reolize that.

Im no philosipher.Modern days once dont exist any more.The birth of it is over now its simply imitation.To call my eyes wrong would make your existence equally as fake.Thats why i like Donnie Darko and the song Mad World soon much.This song which im magically currently listening to brings it all together.Like all these diffrent life floating together.Kind of like everyones life get brought down together.Great lyrics.hahahaa great movie.

Music defines the world.(your world)

Ive been in chicago since friday.Ill be back the 22nd i belive.

Bus rides are always fun and intresting.Had 2 females lean over and sleep on me.When i 1st got on the bus the women i sat next to kind of just rolled her arm over on me,she was asleep when i got on and then i tried sleeping and out of no where hahaaa.Didnt say anything she got off in waco.Then for awhile after had to seats to my self always best.Got to lay back look at the sky write,draw,and listen to music.Then out in little rock i had my 1st real bus moment.A black women sat next to me and was very nice from the get go,"hey how you doing etc etc" then she gose "i may have to lean my head on you if you dont mind" and i said " no no not at until your next stop we'll be like family"and we both laughed.We ended up getting into a conversation about God and just existence for 30 min.We examined each others life and the conversation ended up being about an hour and a half.After words wernt even spoken and she leaned on me and that was that.

The best part of the tripp definetly happend in memphis tho.We had a 15 min layover so i decided i would give my dad a call on the pay phone.Right when i walked in this women caught my attention.The way she was dressed,her natural red hair and of course..the neck choker..We locked eyes for a quick minute and parted.Payphone ended up not working so i got back on the bus.Then just so happend she was going on the same bus.I looked right at her and she approached me and asked."is this seat taken?" and i said "no no by all means" and i dusted off the seat.Right away her aroma drifted me to another place.So smelled so fresh so natural as strange as it sounds.We engaged in conversation right away.She was a traveler...She came from Scotland,and right away like some stupid little kid i got all stupid."SCOTLAND WOOOOWWW THATS CRAZY" My 1st thought as dumb as this is about to start was Braveheart.THE MOVIES AMAZING!But we talked about the REAL William Walace..well she did.We just ended up talking alot about movies music politics and life.She was great.I instantly fell in love with her accent and her SMELL!!SO FRESH!At the beginning of the ride she offered me some of her water out of no where just "want to try?"

So i should start to rap up this transmission,i feel a little more structured in what i was tryin to get across.Funny enough "Regret is one of the most useful emotions/feelings/inventions. It's a crappy feeling which makes it a great learning tool."Taken from one of Leahs entires(sorry) is kind of a good way of putting what i exist in and see through most every moment.Regret.Negative thoughts.Things that dont really worry people.Thing people put to the side or just choose not to acknowledge.I need to do something more with my life.I need to stop staying stuck in one place and spread my self out globally as i so have envisioned and burning inside me.To help the starving give to the poor save the children,jesus help us,god save us,we are human.I cant ever imagine existing in the other side of it all.This world needs to be fixed mad style baby.Whos in on traveling soon.Im asking all willing to set aside 20 dollers or what ever you can spare on a paycheck to add to your "going around the world" fund.I feel like joining the army for the tranining but then again im sure i can find it else where.

If i didnt do all the drugs ive done in my life would i still be the same person i am today that stands before you?I highly doubt it.The subject comes from the night of jorels party.I know that most everyone dosent approve of my drug use which has included..

Shrooms
Acid
Adderal
Weed
Salvia
X


All multiple times.And of course many of you know weed has been a normal part of my life for the past 6 years.A moment came at the party when me and Ryan where going to go out back for a cigartte,Paige had asked what we were doing and ryan said going to smoke a cig.Paige was very very disappointed in me."Bad Ralph!Those are horrible for you"..."..."So i ripped the cigarette in half and that was the end of it.We had a little convo about my weed smoking too and i promised her i would cut back.Shes the real mexican sister i should of had,but do have.

Im pretty sure my sister is either hooked on meth or heroin hell maybe even cocain.Last summer she cried to my dad for help.Emotions fuck everything up.I wasnt happy from the start when she was moving in.I knew nothing good could come from it because of the character that she had become.I dunno if ive said it on livejournal but MY sister died the day she got an operation to lose alot of weight.She was never the same.all she worried about was money sex drugs popualarity possesions.She went so far as to giving up her 3 year old daughter to her ex husbands mom.I fucking love that little girl,she has the life of a Suarez in her and she even looks identical to her mom when she was a baby...im jumping off topic..but..While she was staying with us i kept on asking my dad to not let his neverending love for his daughter blind him..On my 19th birthday she took off with my Ford Explorer, a credit card of my dads,over 5,000 dollers in forged checks,500 dollers in 2 doller bills, a tv,my birth certificate and social security card,some of my moms jewlery and for some reason her signature red dress and bunch of other just little small things.We filed reports and my dad was lucky enough to get the bank money refunded..but how the hell do you do that?how do you become so numb?How do you become so hallow?When i was under 12 i looked up to her so dearly.She was "cool".but i was "stupid".Thats why i freak out sometimes when i ask "who am i?" cause i see some of her qualities in me and i dont like it.I would never be her.thats why i would never do cocain heroin or meth.

I love my dad we are all that we have.Im not going to let him down.Or any of you for that matter.

Would i still think the way i do and be the soul that i am if it wernt for my drug experiences?At the rate that i was going...well..changes 1st came in forms of other things.As i always say September 11th and my mom passing away changed so much about me.Both on a global level where i stepped out of my little safe world and jumped into a more intenese sight of life.After mom died tho heavy drug use came about.Weed at 1st.My mode of thinkning didnt become revolutionary at 1st,it was just childish running away.it was a reason to laugh.It was in this time too that i started growing apart from my real friends and "friends" started to bum rush my life.People i didnt even know where showing up at my house everyday to party.One of the biggest mistakes of my life...again tho i digress.it wasnt till i went back up north that my chicagoin brother were doing the same thing i was but on a more controled scale.With all the revolutionary minds together we confronted evils and stoped running.THE DOORS opened.


I dunno it all sounds stupid when i just type it out like this but that cause so many fucking elemnts are missing.Its already so long and have no idea what im even talking about hahaaa is it cause the drugs?Or cause my mind keeps going in every direction.i need to learn how to write rather then just babble.i promise next entry will make alot more sense and ill do my best to stick to one topic.Its going to be hard to understand me.Maybe not really hard but ill definetly be "Ralph".

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Nnzw_i4YmKk

I feel bad for the mexican at the end.I cant stop watching it either its so stupid but thats why i keep watching it cause i cant belive it.Its all ready got remixes n everything.

Sold the ps2!!Its all about psone and old school games from here on out.Hopefully ill be able to get a ps3 someday.

and for all my hyphee niggas out deerrr....


http://youtube.com/watch?v=j6DGvO_pjnU

some REAL shit muwhahahaaa

Hello welcome to subway
how can i help you today?
would you like a footlong or a 6 inch?
what kind of bread?
cheese?
we have american,provolone,swiss,pepperjack,shreded monteray jack,and shreded mozerella.
Would you like that toasted?
mayo or mustard or any other type of dressing?
what kind of veggies?
would you like to make this a meal deal today?
for here or to go?
...is your total.

So i just saw the new commercial for the new subway steak sandwich.Has little jon at the end going "yeaaaahh!!" then john luvits or whatever gose "haalllaaa!!" "SUBWAY...EAT STEAK!!"so srupid lol.But work was real intresting yesterday..idk exactly where my mind was but.

Que vida..
Que sueno..
Que ojos..que ojos

"He killed em..he killed em with their love.Thats the way it is.Thats the way it happens everyday around the world.."-"John Coffey"-The Greenmile

I wonder where my sister is right now...what shes doing or whos shes with.For the most part i DO hope shes safe.I dont hope shes happy but..i just hope that shes safe.I was thinking about her alot today ran into a picture of her when she was a shorty..her daughter who she abandoned looks identical to her..fucking identical.

I miss my dad alot and he misses me too.Im afraid if he leaves my sueno..i DONT know whatll happen.If ill even make it for that matter.

I had a "moment" at the party the other night.I have no fucking clue how it just happend but damn did it happen.It was as jorel said..."its something that he really needs to do and let out.."hmm..yea thanks for being the brother i never had.You too Ryan(even tho you dont read this)And thanks Dawn for showing up at that place at that time.

I say it at least once a day but...life is such an extreme trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the words of towle..."i have no idea whats goin on..."

Im gonna play some final fantasy tonight.Ill never get tired of that game.

A new sun was shining this morning.

Great party last night,i hope more of them happen more often.I want to throw a party at my house ASAP but i have to deal with the home situation 1st.But ill definetly keep you posted.
Yea i got fucked up though.And...so much i want to say.I think pink floyd sums it up really well...

Pink Floyd-Eclipse

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark.


To the future and our amazing scripts.

Was that last entry a little too racist?I hope not but all i can say to make up for that is that i am a people of the people.It dose sound fucked up when i say some things but..ha but..is anybody really not racist?Cause i would find that hard to belive.but who knows i may just be looking at it too darkly but in one way or another we are all racist at least at one point.holy jesus-anti-christ.Dont think of me as racist..just a strong human divider..that sounds worse..we should talk about it some time!!or let me know if i should publiclly explain more..id be more then ahppy to but dont know how pretty it would look typed out.

After i left ACC south a kick ass life moment happend.I ran into Greta!wow..shes so great.i love her damn spirit..i really got reminded of EV or whatever from V for Vendetta,but she even kind of looked like natille portmen...chick from star wars..but especially Gretas hair looked just like the character EV.But yea i really need to WATCH that movie.I seen it but wasnt paying to much attention,i was more focused on AIM.But the parts i did watch i was blown away.The begining...he says a line and i forget how it gose but he talkes about not beliving in the roll of a dice and god or some shit..but yea got to see it again cause it was poetry.

Ah but Greta it really made my day to reconnect with her..shes so sweet and filled with...soul..we shared alot of good moments tho..

Went to planet k and im hoping to get a job their too just hung out for awhile.so im calling ez temps and doller general tomorrow and hold high hopes.And im turnning in plant k and papa johns aps 2morrow.maybe a few for if im up for it.